October 31, 2008
Lowest common denominator
All things inclusive, when it get to this level what the fuck you suppose to do?!
October 30, 2008
Fucking demoralized
1. Guys DO indeed possess the capacity to rationalize AND feel emotions.
2. Not ALL gays are sex obsessed maniacs/sluts.
This wouldn't have been the first time it's happened but today has been a new low. After a day, I was tired, my head ached, nose blocked, I was very much sick. I wanted to go Home. My train ran express - but there wasn't a connecting train to my station for quite sometime. Time to tram. I make a short detour along the way into a Borders. I pick up a magazine and begin flipping through the pages, just looking - not after anything in particular.
Now I'm sitting there minding my own business with my ipod clearly in both ears I might add AND here he comes and sits next to me. Not close but his within my periferral vision - which says a bit when your eyes are face down in a book. He does something for sometime, I didn't notice at the time but this guy was some old dude - mid 40s/50 even, white hair, half bold, overweight, thick glasses - dresses like a slob - essentially he IS a slob.
He clears his throat and says 'hi', I give him a half smile; being polite. I go back to reading. AND his staring at me! Just staring...
I look at him again - again half smiling, I quite evidently "adjust" my earbuds and go back to reading. Was so NOT interest and just wanted to be fucking left alone!
He looks away and then back again. Ughh fuck! I try and ignore him and temporarily he leaves. Thank God I thought to myself and for a minute or two I was left alone in peace to just read.
BUT HE FUCKING CAME BACK! He rumages through his bag and then he turns slightly to me in an attempt to talk to me. I ignore him! I was SO FUCKING creeped out at this stage! I was uncomfortable and had kind of turn my back to him and he is still fucking starring, like WTF! My skin had literally began to crawl and I felt sick!
I felt demoralised and cheap, as if I was for rent!
The sleezebag was old and fucking ugly as all hell. Even, if he was YOUNG AND HOT [in which, I would have been momentarily flattered AND THEN FUCKING CREEPED OUT], I still would have ignored him! I was NOT fishing and I was NOT crusing! I JUST FELT SICK! I got up and walked away, almost left with the damnmagazine in my hand (I just left it at the beeper door thingy; just dropped it on the floor.)
I wasn't even on the best terms with my partner but I still called him, EVEN if he was at work. I was so disgusted! I felt dirty! It was beyond comprehension! FUCK!
I mean, WTF. What makes anyone think this that kind of behaviour is okay! The fuckwit essentially reduced me down to a rent boy!
A curious glance or two is fine, it's human nature. How else would you know if the person is interested. But when they clearly aren't then it's JUST FUCKED. BACK OFF!
2. Not ALL gays are sex obsessed maniacs/sluts.
This wouldn't have been the first time it's happened but today has been a new low. After a day, I was tired, my head ached, nose blocked, I was very much sick. I wanted to go Home. My train ran express - but there wasn't a connecting train to my station for quite sometime. Time to tram. I make a short detour along the way into a Borders. I pick up a magazine and begin flipping through the pages, just looking - not after anything in particular.
Now I'm sitting there minding my own business with my ipod clearly in both ears I might add AND here he comes and sits next to me. Not close but his within my periferral vision - which says a bit when your eyes are face down in a book. He does something for sometime, I didn't notice at the time but this guy was some old dude - mid 40s/50 even, white hair, half bold, overweight, thick glasses - dresses like a slob - essentially he IS a slob.
He clears his throat and says 'hi', I give him a half smile; being polite. I go back to reading. AND his staring at me! Just staring...
I knew what he wanted... sadly
I look at him again - again half smiling, I quite evidently "adjust" my earbuds and go back to reading. Was so NOT interest and just wanted to be fucking left alone!
He looks away and then back again. Ughh fuck! I try and ignore him and temporarily he leaves. Thank God I thought to myself and for a minute or two I was left alone in peace to just read.
BUT HE FUCKING CAME BACK! He rumages through his bag and then he turns slightly to me in an attempt to talk to me. I ignore him! I was SO FUCKING creeped out at this stage! I was uncomfortable and had kind of turn my back to him and he is still fucking starring, like WTF! My skin had literally began to crawl and I felt sick!
I felt demoralised and cheap, as if I was for rent!
The sleezebag was old and fucking ugly as all hell. Even, if he was YOUNG AND HOT [in which, I would have been momentarily flattered AND THEN FUCKING CREEPED OUT], I still would have ignored him! I was NOT fishing and I was NOT crusing! I JUST FELT SICK! I got up and walked away, almost left with the damnmagazine in my hand (I just left it at the beeper door thingy; just dropped it on the floor.)
I wasn't even on the best terms with my partner but I still called him, EVEN if he was at work. I was so disgusted! I felt dirty! It was beyond comprehension! FUCK!
I mean, WTF. What makes anyone think this that kind of behaviour is okay! The fuckwit essentially reduced me down to a rent boy!
A curious glance or two is fine, it's human nature. How else would you know if the person is interested. But when they clearly aren't then it's JUST FUCKED. BACK OFF!
October 28, 2008
Rocking the cradle
Okay, I am going to blog about 2 things. One about age gaps in relationships and the other; just about how much High School Musical pisses me off [I warn you now, I am going to rage - and quite unnecessarily].
I'm actually going to rant about HSM first. For fuck sakes, I have no idea but this whole enterprise just drives me up the wall. What the hell is wrong with Gen Z?! I have nothing against this new generation being born into the age of technology, it's a great joy! A world in which computers are fast and without kinks, portable music is in the Gigabytes and HD DVDs clearer than what our eyes are capable of distinguishing except in unnaturally clinical trials.
BUT WTF is with content. What the fuck is with the likes of High School Musical, Hannah Montanna [Strike that, I mean, Miley Cyrus], the Jonas Brothers and like the Cheetah Girls or whatever they're called.
These child actors are completely robbed of a natural childhood and pass on this shit resemblence of a life to those watching it. Zac Efron for example is frankly just fucked. This metrosexual has officially cross the threshold of what is considered acceptable. Clothes; they're good, he has the money and the a stylist to dress him, the Hair; tad overwork but otherwise you can't blame a guy for trying to look good. Here, the punch though, WTF is with the overly manscaped face and overapplication of concealer, foundation AND bronzer! He puts a drag queens to shame with the amount he has on - IS that even what he looks like?! Does he permanently just wear a thick 3 layer mask? The color reminds me of Al Pacino in his desperate attempts to convince the world he is hip and 'with it'.
Vanessa Hudgens can't sing to save her life and I think she is just permanently stuck at people saying "though you are very pretty!" Ashley Tisdale has a pathetic attempt to change the one thing that, despite looking horrid - made her unique, her nose; claiming the fix was to correct "septum deviation" which leads to breathing complication - whatever bitch. Monique Coleman who play Gabriella's best friend has literally 10 lines in HSM3, that's just sad!
Miley Cyrus, god what a mess for a 15 year old. Though, it would be nice if people just backed off her - yeah she has pictures of her kissing a friend, get over it. She has a picture of her semi-showing her bra; get over it. The Jonas Brother has vowed not to get laid till marriage. Evangelicals opposed to to homosexuality and abortion, a decision not based on free will but because GOD said so.
These kids all came from great talent, there is no denying that! I couldn't have done or accomplish what they have done and potentially will do. But I am criticizing what they have become! From, theatre and musical theatre to this ... crap! Disney might seem lame but it was well play, artistically written and diligently drawn and animated masterpieces. Yet, Generation Z drives this wagon of crap and spilling change from the hard worked dollars of Generation X.
HSM is based on Romeo and Juliet. It suppose to be an reinvention to spark kids of today's generation to care; but that is barely there! Barely. Take a look at West Side Story and Romeo + Juliet, they're masterpieces. Both relevant and omniscient reflection of the social context within their time: or The lion King, the portray of Hamlet.
---
This last bit about my experience with "rocking the cradle" [or more precisely being rocked] in it's more natural context as opposed to above is just here for my sake to talk about it before my relationship is over and done with.
Are age gaps that big of a deal in relationships? I know it becomes less weird as we get older to have relationships with people a whole lot younger or older. But what is okay? Mine being approximately 10 years the difference, I've heard anything from pedophilia, sugar/play toy to cradle robber etc play on words. It's as irritating as it is cute.
How do people deal with it? In a midst everything that makes a relationship difficult, you have to add in the different life stage each one is at, [Me = uni, They = Career], tastes and just plain life experience. I've so far come across permutations of 29 + 21, 28 + 22, 26 + 23 [that's not too bad], 31 + 21, 35 + 29.
In Hollywood, you have Hayden Panetierre [19] and Milo Ventimiiglia [31], and of course Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Doouglas, I think there is actual a perfect 25 years between them or something. That's a silver jubilee.
What do you consider okay? What do you think a real relationship can handle?
I'm actually going to rant about HSM first. For fuck sakes, I have no idea but this whole enterprise just drives me up the wall. What the hell is wrong with Gen Z?! I have nothing against this new generation being born into the age of technology, it's a great joy! A world in which computers are fast and without kinks, portable music is in the Gigabytes and HD DVDs clearer than what our eyes are capable of distinguishing except in unnaturally clinical trials.
BUT WTF is with content. What the fuck is with the likes of High School Musical, Hannah Montanna [Strike that, I mean, Miley Cyrus], the Jonas Brothers and like the Cheetah Girls or whatever they're called.
These child actors are completely robbed of a natural childhood and pass on this shit resemblence of a life to those watching it. Zac Efron for example is frankly just fucked. This metrosexual has officially cross the threshold of what is considered acceptable. Clothes; they're good, he has the money and the a stylist to dress him, the Hair; tad overwork but otherwise you can't blame a guy for trying to look good. Here, the punch though, WTF is with the overly manscaped face and overapplication of concealer, foundation AND bronzer! He puts a drag queens to shame with the amount he has on - IS that even what he looks like?! Does he permanently just wear a thick 3 layer mask? The color reminds me of Al Pacino in his desperate attempts to convince the world he is hip and 'with it'.
Vanessa Hudgens can't sing to save her life and I think she is just permanently stuck at people saying "though you are very pretty!" Ashley Tisdale has a pathetic attempt to change the one thing that, despite looking horrid - made her unique, her nose; claiming the fix was to correct "septum deviation" which leads to breathing complication - whatever bitch. Monique Coleman who play Gabriella's best friend has literally 10 lines in HSM3, that's just sad!
Miley Cyrus, god what a mess for a 15 year old. Though, it would be nice if people just backed off her - yeah she has pictures of her kissing a friend, get over it. She has a picture of her semi-showing her bra; get over it. The Jonas Brother has vowed not to get laid till marriage. Evangelicals opposed to to homosexuality and abortion, a decision not based on free will but because GOD said so.
These kids all came from great talent, there is no denying that! I couldn't have done or accomplish what they have done and potentially will do. But I am criticizing what they have become! From, theatre and musical theatre to this ... crap! Disney might seem lame but it was well play, artistically written and diligently drawn and animated masterpieces. Yet, Generation Z drives this wagon of crap and spilling change from the hard worked dollars of Generation X.
HSM is based on Romeo and Juliet. It suppose to be an reinvention to spark kids of today's generation to care; but that is barely there! Barely. Take a look at West Side Story and Romeo + Juliet, they're masterpieces. Both relevant and omniscient reflection of the social context within their time: or The lion King, the portray of Hamlet.
---
This last bit about my experience with "rocking the cradle" [or more precisely being rocked] in it's more natural context as opposed to above is just here for my sake to talk about it before my relationship is over and done with.
Are age gaps that big of a deal in relationships? I know it becomes less weird as we get older to have relationships with people a whole lot younger or older. But what is okay? Mine being approximately 10 years the difference, I've heard anything from pedophilia, sugar/play toy to cradle robber etc play on words. It's as irritating as it is cute.
How do people deal with it? In a midst everything that makes a relationship difficult, you have to add in the different life stage each one is at, [Me = uni, They = Career], tastes and just plain life experience. I've so far come across permutations of 29 + 21, 28 + 22, 26 + 23 [that's not too bad], 31 + 21, 35 + 29.
In Hollywood, you have Hayden Panetierre [19] and Milo Ventimiiglia [31], and of course Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Doouglas, I think there is actual a perfect 25 years between them or something. That's a silver jubilee.
What do you consider okay? What do you think a real relationship can handle?
October 27, 2008
Superbug
I feel like I've been hit by a cricket bat and then more some. Ughhh, my heads hurts, my eyes are watery and my nose is stuff beyond stuff. Sore throat too - ughhh.
I know how I got it, but its so not important right now. I can at least calmly state, I was NOT at fault.
Work is almost done, I finish on Wednesday to "focus" - not the parenthesise - on my exam preparation which I am now in full panic mode. This time around 3 of my 4 exams are essay based and require me to write a concise and weel formulated answer within a given time frame. OMG! I haven't done anything like this since year 12, scratch that, year 11. My English sucked in year 12, it was ironically better in year 11.
Why, oh why! I have 3 due in a day. 2 actual exams, 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon, and an essay due at 5pm. FUN!
Why couldn't I be one of those kids that was just freakishly good at ballet, or music or design or something that was not examinable by a piece of paper. Like those kids I see everyday on my way to uni coming out from VCA or the Australian Ballet School. At least they love what they are doing. You can be interested in the subject you study but can you claim to love it?
In my opinion, paper based exams are the worst indicator of actual knowledge. It's a poor measure of all the unassessed knowledge and what is tested can be easily fake. Wrote memory - sure people call that learning, but is it really?! I mean, do these people actually remember or gain anything from the subject?
That's a rhetorical question by the way.
Okay, no cough medicine but 2 paracetamols later, I am ready for bed. On a full stomach of lard and havign not been to the gym.
I know how I got it, but its so not important right now. I can at least calmly state, I was NOT at fault.
Work is almost done, I finish on Wednesday to "focus" - not the parenthesise - on my exam preparation which I am now in full panic mode. This time around 3 of my 4 exams are essay based and require me to write a concise and weel formulated answer within a given time frame. OMG! I haven't done anything like this since year 12, scratch that, year 11. My English sucked in year 12, it was ironically better in year 11.
Why, oh why! I have 3 due in a day. 2 actual exams, 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon, and an essay due at 5pm. FUN!
Why couldn't I be one of those kids that was just freakishly good at ballet, or music or design or something that was not examinable by a piece of paper. Like those kids I see everyday on my way to uni coming out from VCA or the Australian Ballet School. At least they love what they are doing. You can be interested in the subject you study but can you claim to love it?
In my opinion, paper based exams are the worst indicator of actual knowledge. It's a poor measure of all the unassessed knowledge and what is tested can be easily fake. Wrote memory - sure people call that learning, but is it really?! I mean, do these people actually remember or gain anything from the subject?
That's a rhetorical question by the way.
Okay, no cough medicine but 2 paracetamols later, I am ready for bed. On a full stomach of lard and havign not been to the gym.
October 25, 2008
Happy Tree Friends
A friend the other day mentioned something I kind of already knew. But the whole notion of it is kind of sad.
Most people meet via circumstance and a relationship potentially forms from that. However, a lot of the times, it is circumstantial. Would you actively seek them out if they went away? Changed uni, jobs etc etc. People just drift! Sometimes closer and sometimes further away.
I don't think we can protect ourselves from this. It's kind of disturbing - thinking your best friend or the like may be gone tomorrow.
Another questions also arise. Can you have more than 1 person fulfilling the role of 'best' friend. I honestly don't know but that term, whoever the hell coined it, is so awkward in modern day contexts. It would be nice if it were true but in light of 'above' can we take that for granted? Can we have any faith in that?
PS I'm being pre-dumped.
Most people meet via circumstance and a relationship potentially forms from that. However, a lot of the times, it is circumstantial. Would you actively seek them out if they went away? Changed uni, jobs etc etc. People just drift! Sometimes closer and sometimes further away.
I don't think we can protect ourselves from this. It's kind of disturbing - thinking your best friend or the like may be gone tomorrow.
Another questions also arise. Can you have more than 1 person fulfilling the role of 'best' friend. I honestly don't know but that term, whoever the hell coined it, is so awkward in modern day contexts. It would be nice if it were true but in light of 'above' can we take that for granted? Can we have any faith in that?
PS I'm being pre-dumped.
October 23, 2008
Chip
Today was a 'good' day. I was however, insanely chipper! Not happy, though I am well aware of the 'happy'conatations the word chipper possesses. I say chipper more or less because a lot of things that i would normally feel, seemed absent.
It's like I was either supper upbeat or express no emotions whatsoever. There didn't seem to be room for thought or fluctuations of mood. Just one or the other.
It was probabaly attributed to drinking about 5 cans of V and 3 cups of coffee but heck, it didn't seem too bad. Ignorance is bliss but an experience not all indviduals can experience first hand, though I think I caught a taste of it.
It's nice!!
October 22, 2008
OCD
1. The gym is an uber homosexual place.
You can disagree if you want but that's just my opinion, I don't really have any like empirical evidence or anything. It's just what I think. It's like when I say Entourage is a guy's version of Sex and the City - story of a bunch of guy's sexual conquests, money, careers, relationships and their friendship. I told a friend this the other day and it's funny how stunned he was, defensive and almost as if he was suddenly in a position where he had to prove something hehehe.
A guy on a neighboring table overheard and chuckled. He totally agreed with me, claiming he watched both (in a comfortable and un-emasculated manner - I don't think that is a word btw, anyway...) Damn it! I probably should have talked to him a bit more! Gah
What was I on about again? Yeah, um gym = gay. Not that I mind - cause you know, I'm open minded haha
2. Going to the gym is so tedious.
I can't express my lack of progress; especially in contrast to energy input. Though I have to admit I have been able to eat more without a huge detrimental effect. Though I wish the scale would stop creeping up. Guy my weight are so much buffer - which kind of just indicate my massive body fat levels. Kind of depressing really.
Not only do you have watch for technique, which ironically turns it almost into an Art form - I mean, it has 'technique'; you also have to monitor load and reps and know when its time to overload. It's all very strategic, to build body mass without looking bulky is a relative decent timeframe. Lean muscle is nice but it'll be a really really long time coming if you intend to start that way. Maybe if you got bulk and then slow it down to tone it further... I don't know. I'm obviously no expert.
And finally damn body fat! Oh and you have the matter of keeping things symmetrical. I've said this before and I'll say it again - girls have it so much easier in this respect. How come celebrities can drop like 8967438609 pounds and tone up in like 6 weeks. Even with a trainer and a dietion - wtf, I don't even think I can handle it mentally let alone physically.
3. I've been relationship advoidant
I think it's been a good 4 days since I've actually dealt with my relationship problems, face-to-face. I'm just so unsettled by the whole thing. I don't particularly know how to feel. Am I suppose to be upset, angry, indifferent?! I always begin by fuming and then it results in absolute resentment and finally
'emo' followed by a general sense of being... kind of lost. Like in the moronic sense. This is probably what makes me a 'marshmallow'
I think admist everything it's the fact that I care that jumps out at me. I never, honest to god, thought it would make such an impact. We never did anything major, as the rest of world reminded me every now and then "ahh the honeymoon phase". Again, I'm just now lost for words.
4. Blackberry email gives me time to blog on my long journey home
Finally a productive outlet! Good considering, I can't read whilst moving.
October 21, 2008
Emotional states
I'm curious - how many emotional states does one feel in a day. I'm not talking the exterior facade that you put on for others or where you hide those minor inklings of annoyance or anger. Seriously everything!
Essentially every thought is fueled by some sort of emotion - am I right? Sure to varying degrees but even if we count only the ones that leave a, more or less, conscious imprint in our minds we would get a least a good dozen or two. That's an emotional rollercoaster!
Is this just me?
I mean I don't think we can write off as an adolescent phase - can we? Are we suppose to be more emotionally resilient, indifferent and aloof inside as we get older? Is that a part of what it means to grow up? To let rationality rule with a steel fist?
I say all this cause there have been so many things I just wanted to blog about throughout the day. Documenting what is essentially my life - but I can't. I can't just drop everything and do that. I can now - but that's just handy.
The last thing I felt was angry, resentment and wounded. In that order... It's too much... I can't type that fast! I'm actually getting cut and sore as I write this... Ughh...
Essentially every thought is fueled by some sort of emotion - am I right? Sure to varying degrees but even if we count only the ones that leave a, more or less, conscious imprint in our minds we would get a least a good dozen or two. That's an emotional rollercoaster!
Is this just me?
I mean I don't think we can write off as an adolescent phase - can we? Are we suppose to be more emotionally resilient, indifferent and aloof inside as we get older? Is that a part of what it means to grow up? To let rationality rule with a steel fist?
I say all this cause there have been so many things I just wanted to blog about throughout the day. Documenting what is essentially my life - but I can't. I can't just drop everything and do that. I can now - but that's just handy.
The last thing I felt was angry, resentment and wounded. In that order... It's too much... I can't type that fast! I'm actually getting cut and sore as I write this... Ughh...
October 20, 2008
Broken hearted
I'm sitting here typing on my blackberry, waiting for the damn tram and freezing myself in the meantime. I honestly can't express how much I hate public transport! I want to drive - I do! It's just kind of hard to learn when 1/ you don't have an auto car to practice in and 2/ no one to supervise me...
Anyway, after a certain phone call I wonder how people in close relationships actually work together - whether that be friendship or the more intimate kind. My boss and his wife are the epitome of what it is like to strike the perfect balance. Both capable of working and living together. But that's one in a million! I don't know how they do it but they do! Oh I almost forgot my ballet teachers are the same. Geez, they're different though - ha look at that.
Actually even as I'm typing this I wonder if maybe it's just me. From an entirely emotionally removed perspective I've been known to be notoriously complicated, confusing, annoying and well anything off the top of your head when you think; me.
Okay new perspective - I'm socially retarded and completely incapable of being truly happy. So where does that leave me? Do I play the blame game - neglect? Domineering parents? Bad social circle or the lack of? What? Change?
I'm not strong enough to do it on my own. With over 6 billion people on this planet, I wish I could peak into the mind of any to see if anything I thought or felt resembled normality in the minds of others. Or conversely someone saw the world exactly the way I do.
People say we'll cross that bridge when we come to it; but I can see it! And it's nothing like what I imagined it to be. All of this is getting further and further from what I wanted to say. Typical. Anyway you would think he'd be there to catch you when you fall...
Anyway, after a certain phone call I wonder how people in close relationships actually work together - whether that be friendship or the more intimate kind. My boss and his wife are the epitome of what it is like to strike the perfect balance. Both capable of working and living together. But that's one in a million! I don't know how they do it but they do! Oh I almost forgot my ballet teachers are the same. Geez, they're different though - ha look at that.
Actually even as I'm typing this I wonder if maybe it's just me. From an entirely emotionally removed perspective I've been known to be notoriously complicated, confusing, annoying and well anything off the top of your head when you think; me.
Okay new perspective - I'm socially retarded and completely incapable of being truly happy. So where does that leave me? Do I play the blame game - neglect? Domineering parents? Bad social circle or the lack of? What? Change?
I'm not strong enough to do it on my own. With over 6 billion people on this planet, I wish I could peak into the mind of any to see if anything I thought or felt resembled normality in the minds of others. Or conversely someone saw the world exactly the way I do.
People say we'll cross that bridge when we come to it; but I can see it! And it's nothing like what I imagined it to be. All of this is getting further and further from what I wanted to say. Typical. Anyway you would think he'd be there to catch you when you fall...
THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost
October 19, 2008
Leaves
I'm back and this time I'm going to be writing in the normal first person. The removed version is nice but CBF. It takes a lot to write, especially when your just trying to vent or simply be emo over something. Trying to be artistic at the same time, kind of kills the mood altogether - I just end up frustrated at the blog in addition to whatever I was going to say.
Anyway, how have I been... Hmm, I don't know how to answer that perfectly.
My partner told me I was too, a marshmellow. Essentially pretty on the outside but compeltely void of all substance - 'soft' and 'shallow' on the inside. Don't get me wrong, I get the fact I'm not the brightest person around. My uni life reminds me of that on a constant basis, which by the way, has literally reduced me to rubble - acedemiea was my all at one stage and I don't have that anymore. My grades have got progressively worse and despite how much I try and/or [yes, and/or] procrastinate - their not picking up. To hear it from that person of all people, it's taken me, lets see; about a good 2 and a half years to see that my worth isn't what people say I am, or something that they can point to. Yet, that one statement had cut right through me.
Not everyone can graduate 3rd in their year, be pretty on the outside and possess the soul of an artist! Like, Hello! Don't you plan on changing careers - anyway...
On a more positive note, I am now in possession of one Blackberry Bold, which I have to admit is a sweet phone/PDA/etc - though it did cost me my old number. Whatever, the point is, I never actually realise how many emails I receive. They're not necessarily all emails in which I care about but there is a lot! The QWERTY keyboard is super convinient and the other day, I think it was only about 3 days after I got my BB, I picked up my Sony Ericssion and I literally stared at the keys for a good minute or two before I remembered how to type numbers in a text message.
I picked up some books on Friday. One of those 'Histories Stories' - Greatest Scandals, and Worst Decisions. They remind me, I love to read. Knowledge for the sake of knowledge. Things; uncomplicated. Perhaps they'll help me focus for the coming exams - I've reminded myself to begin revision on numerous occassion which I haven't done. Maybe tonight; Maybe... I love that word.
There's more... there's always more but, I think, I'm okay for now.
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