Emotional limit

I'm done.

And with that in mind I am going to mentally say f@cK you and move on... I'm not going to delete you from my phone book or write you out of my life as though you never existed...

I'm simply just not going invest my feelings or my energy...

I believed I tried.

I'm going back onto the track I was travelling down before you came along. Gym and all.

Bad madness

Why are we addicted to the things that are bad for us? Really? Why is it we enjoy things that we knowing accept are just that - BAD?

Is this some kind of reverse psychology our own mind plays on us?

I'm still waiting...

Why?

I feel like I'm simply floating and there's nothing to ground me.

Skating on thin ice

I'm running circles around myself... and I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt - again.

Are you doing this out of fear?
What do you mean?
Well think about...

I find myself skating on emotionally thin ice; and I know it. But maybe it is fear, I can't help but try. I don't want to sit on the sidelines anymore...

Our problem

Everyone has problems. That's the bottom line and I think every now then, we definitely need to remind ourselves of this.

I can get pretty caught up in my own world sometimes, and I think it is definitely something I should do more often.

Not only does it make my issues look like another miniture speck of sand on the beach, but the whole process of talking it out with another individual whom genuinely wants to hear about it and shed some light on the matter is a truly amazing experience! I mean, they are willing to take some time out of their lives to help you with something that has no relation to them - even though they may have issues of a similiar nature.

Even when your stress eating it doesn't seem so bad...

It like sitting there starring out to sea. It's not to say we're insignificant, merely that in the greater context of things... relax... breathe...

I finish ballet class early today and that's exactly what I did with an old friend whom I had not seen in a long time. It these reasons why I always emphasize how much I truly value my friends.

Whether I believe what I am saying if course another matter... but at least I know it is true.

And that makes three...

You would think a person's intentions becomes clear after some time. You figure in some context or another, you would come to grasp some sort of normality and understand; relate.

With nearly everyone describing themselves as genuine and down-to-earth, does this even leave us with a basis for comparison anymore. What does it actually say about a person's character?

I SO sick of hearing those characteristics! Frankly, in my opinion, you can be genuine and down-to-earth and still be a wanker all at the same time. They're just too broad of a characteristic to be useful.

For those of you who have seen it. The so called comedy that was based on the so claimed best seller He's just not that into you was a horrid.



I recall watching the whole thing with my both my hand covering my mouth, almost in shock. I also recall it released on Feb 14th - Valentine's Day and frankly, despite the record number of ticket sales, it was an awful choice for numerous couples to go see.

Why do I bring it up? Because the movie has so many basis in reality and that's what I found disturbing...

I had long promised myself, I would stop seeking and literally do nothing, initiate nothing. Yet, despite doing so for so long, I found it non-effective (Not, not-effective); my point being it did nothing. I was OK (what the fuck does that word even mean!), I could even happily hang in the presence of other couples - no problems.

But just of late something just didn't sit right...

I just want to be clear on what's going on!

Great expectations

You know what? Things have actually smoothed out somewhat...

In many respect I am relieved, I am thankful. But now what?

Maybe its the way I live my life, but I've been told I try and plan too much, too often (to a neurotic extent). However, what I don't understand, is why there isn't more people doing the very same. If we don't plan, we're uncertain of the future - without that, we're living off impulses. Surely, the action under these senarioes are less tactful than those that are in some ways pre-empt.

Justifying my own actions, I don't try and plan every detail of my life. I simply ask a lot of questions to get as many perspectives on the matter as possible; what's wrong with that? Surely nothing - right?



But now, I'm stuck in this weird time warp in which I am not entirely sure how I should act or behave.

And frankly, I don't want to screw it up... I want to know... something, anything!

Emotional catatonia & façade

When it comes to certain aspects of my life, I know for one, I feel with the entirity of my heart. Its a part of who I am... It's not healthy.

Since yesterday; in the presence of others, I've already keeled over, my breathes are no longer shallow and my heartbeats are once again regualr.

It's emotional catatonia.

I feel hollow and empty, but I can function. Like so many other days, weeks and months, I've no doubt this too shall pass. And the idea of emotional façades is not a foreign concept to myself nor anyone - so I assume anyway. We fake a smile and we go through the motions. We hurt, and instinctively people take action, they try and assist in their own special way.

Does it ever truly reach us? Do we ever truly reach them? Maybe, maybe not...

At the end of the day people expect you to move on within a given timeframe. They have their own problems to deal with, and after a brief moment we must join them...

Endless emotional backlog

The stupid things I do just doesn't come to an end. It simply generates emotional backlog and all this sh!t just accumulates...

I f@cked up

The realisation and even more so the familiarity of All American Rejects - I Wanna made my heart cringe before it skipped several beats whilst I was on the treadmill.





Hitting the stop button was all that I could do...

There's nothing for me to do now but wait. I'm keeling over...

Moving pictures

It's funny how the cosmic universe plays tricks on the mind when one ponders any issue too much.

You think about something, and a certain someone and suddenly you find yourself at the gym and on the treadmill.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Yet, the irony lies in the fact throughout the entire 50mins I was on it, the only music videos they played were in regards to just that - relationships. Those that failed, the idealistic, the new and the broken...

50 minutes

It's funny how everything around you can tie you back to that person, that issue. It nudges at the back of your mind; every waking second. Other things cease to exist in its importance. I have work which is very much overdue but it seems hardly important.

Food is always good comfort though... yet, others love food, and here we are again, on the merry-go-round of thoughts.

Delicate ecosystems

It's kind of ironic. Somewhere down the line, you'd think the key lies in the simplicity of things. It's what make some things so perfect right?

Are things ever simplisitc?

I went up the King's Lake today where the Victoria bushfires were back in Feb/Mar and there has been so much change. Many properties have been built, and the regrowth is well underway...


Before that though there was lunch, after that was fish and chips and a movie... after that. I don't know... perhaps something anticlimatic, perhaps something absolutely normal, perhaps a brushoff.

Friday night wasn't at all expected... A high and a low. Saturday wasn't all that expected either... a high and a low and a high and a low...

Anticipation. Tuesday.

Outter Bounds

For some reason or another since I've returned from my trip overseas, I've been quite up and down. From the outset, I think, or at least I hope I appear to be alright but on the inside, I feel quite divided.

Over everything.

I just don't know how I feel about anything anymore... I need time. I always need time, but it is simply something no of us have more of.

Words that come to mind are in many instances verging on borderline personality disorder.