Sympathy for the pushover

I was sitting on the train the other day and read one of those 'Moving Melbourne through Art" quotes and one that really caught my attention was the one relating to leave rushing through red lights. It was simple, short and phrased ever so perfectly. It echoed what I've been seeing right across Melbourne this week after last week's heatwave/ summer.

It reminds me the world turns, dumb I know but sometimes you go about doing the tasks of everyday life - these seasonal changes really put things in perspective in terms of how time has travelled. Afterall, it didn't seem that long ago that we were celebrating New Years and here we are in Feburary already.

How have I progress in the last couple of months?

Frankly, I've been better - sure things are going smoothly, life poses itself with microdramas every now and then. I know I've grown as a person; pleasing more people in a way so that I fit a social mould.

I haven't been happy. I've gotten more quite, aloof - even if its for breif periods of time. The last time, I was truly like this, saw these aspects of me blown up on a grand scale. It wasn't good...

So what's the lastest microdrama most people would comment on/ tell me to just 'get over it' before then take a minute to reflect and think?

I'm a pushover. I know that, you might not think that but I know it. I will more or less do anything for a 'friend' [note the quotation marks] if they call upon me to do something. For now these things have been minor - some might even call it extremely minor but they are nevertheless a big inconvinence and things that are in more cases then most, if not always, taken for granted. I can't even be bothered naming particular items; surely you can think of one.

What happens though when I try - like what I see from other people, take a stand? Say - not this time? Do what's incredibly fitting and comforting for my sake? Am I ACTUALLY allowed to not be that person that IS there? I speak up, and it's like suddenly I;m out of character, my behaviour is not only out of line but unacceptable... am I allowed to get angry, get annoyed.

I don't know...

What I do know is that, regardless of whether or not I have that right, at the end of the day its my fault. Others get angry at me, because I'm angry/ annoyed/ plain sick and tired of being THAT person - so the only conclusion is that I should just shutup - stay in character; quite and obidient; inconvinience myself so others may have a safer and more pleasant trip.

I feel like the doormat...