Starry starry night

I love the holidays - Christmas, New Years; heck even Valentines.

I just hate the ones I have.

There is so much anticipation with holidays, it makes everything seem anti-climatic.

Hahaha, I'm putting this lightly. I don't really expect that much. I think years of mediocre days with the unexpected stream of upsets that always seems to spiral out of control have taught me to finally take it all in my stride. I don't think I'm expecting that much - I will continue to look forward to each day in the hope that something uplifting will take place. The flip side; my spirit is broken - I don't really care anymore.

This scenario has now started to play out in many different areas; relationships, work, friends, study.

The crap I've waddled through all these have taught me to sort and ignore. Whilst the kid inside still hopes for the best.

AT the same time, I don't care anymore.

I know people have gone through worst; I'm not self-loathing, or self-obsessing here. Heck, that would implied I cared - which I don't. HA!

It's this weird realisation, an epiphany of truth of life. Potentially something I always knew, potentially something everyone already knows. It's just the things that have irritated me in the past [they still do BTW]; I've learned to short circuit the system. Something happens and it's just of kind of like "huh." and moving right along. A thought here and there and I'm on my way again.

Not my merry way but - on my way. Till that one day something falls into place - which may not mean anything anymore either.

-nod-

Merry Christmas.