Here we go again... & absolute boredom

I've been in my new place for about a month now.

I've "headed out" and "met" with probably half a dozen or so people and "interacted" with at least another half a dozen or more. I AM SO BORED and yet I get sick of everything so incredibly easily. I'm restless and I don't know what it is that I want.

No scratch I know what I want but I'm not sure how about I am going to go about finding it. Partnerships don't drop out of thing air, but I can't be bothered trying because I expect nothing but everything at the same time. Within microseconds I envision and I have it planned - life evidently doesn't work that way.
I curl back into my shell and turn a blind eye to "things" and other heart-ly desires as I try for the n(th) time to focus back onto myself. A perfect body doesn't mean much in the way of relations but I'm not going to chance my personality so there's not much point there.

I get fucked over by my emotions beneath the surface and I can't keep doing it.

Actually, I can - but I don't think its healthy. For example, should I head out next Sat and try again... A part of me says I should, another says, don't be stupid. Nothing will change and more importantly, your not going to get what your after. But if I don't try, how will I know... hmmm

Tomorrow, I start back at ballet. Here we go again.

Proactive solution - we're not talking about the ad here...

I am trying to be more proactive. Now and more generally for the rest of the year/life :)

I'm going to take greater initiative in my studies when they do roll around sometime in March. I use to be quite an industrious individual if I say so myself (wankerish boasting), and I know I can be that person again. Afterall, it's that, that gets results... we're all been told its not necessarily talent but the hours and dedication you put into what you do.

Starting this already, I'm being more proactive in my ballet. Taking more notes, which are in many ways quite time consuming but I'm hoping this is only a temporary set back as I'm not yet use to writing down dance notations. But I can do it, I have and I will.

In addition, I'm going to find more time to spend it with my good friends. Given the fact that I have now recently acquired an extra hour from changing dance schools, give or take. I'm going to call up the people I want to meet up with, make a time and go hang out with them... even if this means meeting with them in 3/4 weeks time, it's still going to be much more frequent than compared to what I use to do.

On another note, being proactive in my opinion also means understanding certain limits. They must be set/recognised for/in oneself. More specifically, I'm setting a time limit on how long I am going to be emotionally driven to invest in situation no. 3 (see previous post). Though everything has been quite nice - it seems to have come to halt recently. I'm not hugely upset about this (reasons also given previous post). But to play the game, I'm going to be a bit more passive so they can make more of the first moves... That being said, I am still invested so sometimes I do take the first shot in contacting them. This will continue till a bit past Feb 14th - Valentines Day (It's 2 Sundays away), after which point I am going to let it go - to be handled by them/greater power (blah blah blah, whatever that may be)

All this does sound very nice. I am very much hoping its not a "thing" I simply have for tonight.

BIG LAME SMILEY FACE.

Achieving Perfection

This inspires me in so many different ways. However, when you consider the number of dancers in the world that make it, it's deeply distrubing. Often they possess nothing to fall back on in terms of educational background or work experience in the real world.

Then I consider myself, one who has worked (a little) and studied (a little) to obtain my high school dipolma... To chase after this, I no longer work, and though I study, I don't study hard enough - will my bachelors degree then mean anything if I don't make it as a dancer? Would I have merely done two things half-heartedly and thus succeeding in neither?

Scary prospect.

Then so it seems the only solution is a simply one! To excel in both... now, it is simply a question as to whether I am strong enough to do so...