Double back

It would appear I am giving this thing another shot.
Along with a bunch of other things I am trying to get organised. I think in life everything is always in a constant disarray and mediocrity that only in death shall we endure a moment of peace. Morbid much? 
I think the last time I was here it was much the same.
Housing, in the process of sorting.
Uni? Piece of paper which proposes sub-standard income guarantee, errrrm. Where's that assignment go?
Pursuit of idyllic child-like dreams, Ballet, Ummm, I must say reality is really kicking its ass... MUST FIGHT ....BACK
Money? What money, I don't owe you any money?!?! ]
Unemployment - I mean work!! Well, they say unemployment is down. Which makes sense because I can't find a job anywhere, everyone must be already employed :/
Relationship - I have one which myself, Me Gusta. lol Forever Along.

Proactive solution - we're not talking about the ad here...

I am trying to be more proactive. Now and more generally for the rest of the year/life :)

I'm going to take greater initiative in my studies when they do roll around sometime in March. I use to be quite an industrious individual if I say so myself (wankerish boasting), and I know I can be that person again. Afterall, it's that, that gets results... we're all been told its not necessarily talent but the hours and dedication you put into what you do.

Starting this already, I'm being more proactive in my ballet. Taking more notes, which are in many ways quite time consuming but I'm hoping this is only a temporary set back as I'm not yet use to writing down dance notations. But I can do it, I have and I will.

In addition, I'm going to find more time to spend it with my good friends. Given the fact that I have now recently acquired an extra hour from changing dance schools, give or take. I'm going to call up the people I want to meet up with, make a time and go hang out with them... even if this means meeting with them in 3/4 weeks time, it's still going to be much more frequent than compared to what I use to do.

On another note, being proactive in my opinion also means understanding certain limits. They must be set/recognised for/in oneself. More specifically, I'm setting a time limit on how long I am going to be emotionally driven to invest in situation no. 3 (see previous post). Though everything has been quite nice - it seems to have come to halt recently. I'm not hugely upset about this (reasons also given previous post). But to play the game, I'm going to be a bit more passive so they can make more of the first moves... That being said, I am still invested so sometimes I do take the first shot in contacting them. This will continue till a bit past Feb 14th - Valentines Day (It's 2 Sundays away), after which point I am going to let it go - to be handled by them/greater power (blah blah blah, whatever that may be)

All this does sound very nice. I am very much hoping its not a "thing" I simply have for tonight.

BIG LAME SMILEY FACE.

Summer days

So Summer is now here and it's been 3 weeks since I last updated.

The ballet production is now over and I am beyond relieved! It went alright (a word I've been accused of saying way too much and applying to an array of actual feelings). Overall, I was happy with it but I think I'm still in greater awe that's its over - that perhaps, somehow all of 'it' [refer to previous post) is worth it. I've been told its an emotional rollercoaster... I wish it wasn't though.

I think I'm more or less going back next year and perhaps that may stem purely out of my own lazy to make a change about it. Either changing school or the other hard decision as to "Why the hell am I doing this?" (Another friend told me that this mental block comes to everyone who dances full-time at some point or another). My teachers have claimed I've made a great deal of progress, which I am glad about. However, it's not the type of progress I am seen in my own body which greatly irritates me so.

I've also been told to stop being so negative for she claimed I have a pessimistic streak about me which could be potentially damaging in the further when I enter the 'professional world'. I find it ironic though this comes from a woman whom demands perfection; she claims we need to invest greater thought into what we do. In addition, it's same woman who claims we need to feel our body, outside of thought. A great dichotomy in my opinion. Whatever... I've taken the note up and discarded some of her discrepencies, I've come to understand she would say basically anything to try and prove a point... I like the way I think and approach my dancing - without it, I don't think I would have progressed to where I am today. It's not the same approach a typical artist such as herself might use but I still like it.

What else is new...

OH, I've become extremely pasty due to the lack of sun with ballet and all. And I'm actually really looking forward to this summer. I want to get an all over tan but have yet to figure out a discrete way of doing so. I've started to tan quite nice and lightly on the arms and shoulder due all the times I'm in a tank-top but I don't want a farmer tan.

Right, I've also been seeing a certain landscaper again. Only twice though and of course, no progress other than mere confusion on my part. They want to make the trip and drive up to Mildura or something and then onto Sydney to visit some friends... They made the offer while we were out drinking "You can come if you want". I kind of want to go with them. We'll see...

What else...

The man I call my father has also been going at me again for no reason. Since I finish ballet - which was... let's see last Saturday, he's been on another banter on how I'm aimless and without purpose in my life. Consistently and quite condescending asking me what it is I'm going to with it and whether or not I'm ever going to get gainful employment (somehow despite my hours). He did this right after I finish my uni exam... He's just been a massive pr!@k lately to say the least. My sister agrees. He goes through his cycles... such an angry person; suck the fun out of everything.

Extra extra - I'm procrastinating

As per usual I am procrastinating.

I should know better - esppecially 2 years having come and gone. With 6 weeks left of the remaining semester, I can happily, no strike that, ignorantly say, I know nothing at all.

But heres the current pointless load-down.

I am absolutely obesessed with America's Next Top Model. In this instance, Cycle 12. It just so right! Look it up on youtube. I was never one to watch these shows but I think it was one day around this time of the year, last year, that I stumbled across it. I watched Cycle 6, and suddenly I found myself watching it from start to finish - it took a day!

I'm also developing a serious shopping addiction! I find myself consistently wanting more clothes and wanting more of this and that. I mean, of course, I can buy within reason - afterall, I don't actually own that many pieces of clothing. Not as some might think I do. However, that's not the point, I'm starting to want pieces in excessive amount. Like, I would look at my V-Neck T-Shirts and just think, I do not have enough V Necks, I need MORE. I have 7 pairs of jeans from Black to White [granted 1 of them I don't really like] and I don't think I have enough!

I've also come to terms with the fact, I have an unhealthy desire for Horror/ Thriller movies. I don't get scarred by them much these days and if I could, I would sit them and watch a whole bunch of them in series! On my list, I have the Cube Trilogy which includes; Cube (1997), Cube 2: Hypercube (2002) & Cube Zero (2004), & Trick r' Treat (2007). I'm actually watching Hypercube on youtube now :$

ALSO on youtube - I came across this guy! http://www.youtube.com/user/GregoryGORGEOUS How F***ing PRETTY is he??!?! Yeah he's a bit out there but what the heck - he is so comfortable in his own skin - which by the way is flawless despite the makeup. He says he is self taught in that department. Damn his skin! I don't know - for some reason youtube thought he should pop up in my "recommendations" o.O

Anyway.

In the real world, I have 4 assignments due as soon as we get back! In the meantime, Hypercube!

Procrastinating

This has been a major problem for me for a while now and I do mean a "while". I remember back in the days when homework just started to pile up - round about year 10 for me, that it became more than evident. I had always been a person that leave homework to the last minute - oddly its not a trait across everything I do - which is good.

PS I still feel like crap, like there is no end in sight - despite knowing perfectly well that this is not true.

I remember leave things to the night/s before for major 'projects' in year 7/8. Hey, I usually pulled it off by about 11pm and with an A too. Not bad, but you see, that's where it started, my realisation that I was capable of doing these things at the last minute.

Now, that led to the delay of my work further and further into the night and finishing earlier and earlier in the mornings [on the day it is due]. Though that being said, I can no longer maintain a proper standard.

So, these days it usually takes hours upon hours to get anything done - in the area of homework and many days nothing really happens.

I'm digging my own grave here! Exams are looming.

It's a serious problem! Any takers?

A means to an End

Last week was bland and in many respects, it had plain sucked. Everything signifying nothing. [I had several entries lined up but it was the genius of blogger that perhaps it would be fun to recode these words into some illiterate script of 1 and 0 and other means of computer markup 'it' understood.]

Moments came and went but overall, it was a mutual understanding between life and myself that I would attempt, nay - bare the brute of it all, and cruise through as quickly as possible.

Like an MasterCard ad, I could count the moments - the good and the bad. I smiled politely but at the end of the day, the one I thing I was not comfortable with or in was my own skin - my life as a whole.

Am I just winning about the challenges of everyday life? Most likely.

Contemplative, a week on fast forward - Parentals. Uni. Work. Gym. Food. Tiffany & Co. Money. Housing. Him. Her. They.

Existence of God

Either a God so conceived exists or does not exist.
But if he does not exist, that cannot be just a contingent matter – ie ‘he might have existed, it is just that in fact he does not’ – b/c that would make his existence also a contingent matter. But then this would not be the God we had conceived of, since his existence is necessary.
So if such a God does not exist, his non-existence must be necessary, which means it is impossible he should exist.
But there is no reason for thinking his existence is impossible.
The only alternative is that he exists (necessarily).

Tute Exercise 3

Is belief in God a matter of faith or of reason, or of both? 200 words, to be submitted at your tutorial in Week 5 (week Beginning Monday 25th August)

Other quarter?

6:25pm.

AND she's late. Nothing surprising really, but I was hungry. I'd been up since what I called the wee hours of 7:25AM and it'd been a good 11hours.

I sat, I waited; staring catatonically at the city lights that laid before me. Strange how such a vision can be seen from campus. But there it was! The hub of metropolitan Melbourne. A sigh, but all that could be heard was a cough. I wanted to move and not anywhere, somewhere out there!

6:26pm.

AND there she was! A smile. WHAT the HELL is she? She wasn't my better half. That I have no doubt! But she made the day easier to bare and hours past... she's like that second last piece of the puzzle.

Its still incomplete though...

I await the last.