Average letdowns

I think people by nature can just let you down.

It can come at any moment in time (and this can be anyone, the person your in a relationship with, friends or family etc.) and a lot of the time it's not because they have done anything in particular but its something within their personality which just doesn't click with you. They go about doing/saying something, or not doing something, which invariably you don't understand as to why they have said that or why thay have made that/those choice/s... Thus, a clash in viewpoints/perspectives/personality (whatever you want to call it) occurs and they, from your perspective, they have disappointed you/pissed you off etc...

Am I making any sense? I hope I am... I'm not saying this to rage or to whine - but it was just a thought that came to me. Afterall, no one sensible in their right mind goes out of their way to annoy or disappoint those around them, right? Unless they had some weird evil vengeance thing going for them...

Anyway, I thought it was enlightening.

Proactive solution - we're not talking about the ad here...

I am trying to be more proactive. Now and more generally for the rest of the year/life :)

I'm going to take greater initiative in my studies when they do roll around sometime in March. I use to be quite an industrious individual if I say so myself (wankerish boasting), and I know I can be that person again. Afterall, it's that, that gets results... we're all been told its not necessarily talent but the hours and dedication you put into what you do.

Starting this already, I'm being more proactive in my ballet. Taking more notes, which are in many ways quite time consuming but I'm hoping this is only a temporary set back as I'm not yet use to writing down dance notations. But I can do it, I have and I will.

In addition, I'm going to find more time to spend it with my good friends. Given the fact that I have now recently acquired an extra hour from changing dance schools, give or take. I'm going to call up the people I want to meet up with, make a time and go hang out with them... even if this means meeting with them in 3/4 weeks time, it's still going to be much more frequent than compared to what I use to do.

On another note, being proactive in my opinion also means understanding certain limits. They must be set/recognised for/in oneself. More specifically, I'm setting a time limit on how long I am going to be emotionally driven to invest in situation no. 3 (see previous post). Though everything has been quite nice - it seems to have come to halt recently. I'm not hugely upset about this (reasons also given previous post). But to play the game, I'm going to be a bit more passive so they can make more of the first moves... That being said, I am still invested so sometimes I do take the first shot in contacting them. This will continue till a bit past Feb 14th - Valentines Day (It's 2 Sundays away), after which point I am going to let it go - to be handled by them/greater power (blah blah blah, whatever that may be)

All this does sound very nice. I am very much hoping its not a "thing" I simply have for tonight.

BIG LAME SMILEY FACE.

Our problem

Everyone has problems. That's the bottom line and I think every now then, we definitely need to remind ourselves of this.

I can get pretty caught up in my own world sometimes, and I think it is definitely something I should do more often.

Not only does it make my issues look like another miniture speck of sand on the beach, but the whole process of talking it out with another individual whom genuinely wants to hear about it and shed some light on the matter is a truly amazing experience! I mean, they are willing to take some time out of their lives to help you with something that has no relation to them - even though they may have issues of a similiar nature.

Even when your stress eating it doesn't seem so bad...

It like sitting there starring out to sea. It's not to say we're insignificant, merely that in the greater context of things... relax... breathe...

I finish ballet class early today and that's exactly what I did with an old friend whom I had not seen in a long time. It these reasons why I always emphasize how much I truly value my friends.

Whether I believe what I am saying if course another matter... but at least I know it is true.

Positive complexions

As complex and intricate as they are, I truly value my friendships.

Sure! I don't always have the perfect formula in terms of behaving in the right manner or expending/investing the my efforts appropriately... but surely, I would like to think, I am slowly getting there. Human interaction is hard, and I guess this is merely another factor I need to consider.

My friends are my family. As cliche as that is, it's true.

Ideally, they should last a lifetime, but being realistic, it seem improbable... only time will tell.

However, in the meantime, I am thankful.

The twilight zone

I'm not actually refering to the book by the way. Heh.

The last couple of days have been emotionally exhaustive - in a good way. Had another argument with a friend over what is essentially the same issue that I've been trying to deal with lately. Did other things too like, visit Doncaster Shoppintown for the first time since its renovation, played the PS2 Singstar games, Low level of sleep hehehe, played DDR, eaten heaps of fruit which is something havent done in a while etc. etc.

Um, so where am I now? Nowhere ground breaking really but I think, it's been a bit overwhelming. I'm letting it happen [this be overwhelming] because I think it help to work through it, literally let it out and let it go... My eyes hurt...

But.. it's odd for me to suddenly be more aware of my surrounding and as if beginning to see things from other people's perspective. It's good because I don't really want to be the jerk-type that people don't like. It's not even so much I care about what people think about me - don't get me wrong, I do. It's about being a better person and careful not to offend through a process of better understanding the people that surround me.

Beforehand, there would be incidences in which things would happen the way they did but I wouldn't know why. It's not as though every question I had before are now answered or anything but I can better relate.

It's all about perspective now isnt it - walking a mile in another's shoe.

Let's hope I'm making progress. It's also made me really thankful of the people that though previously didn't get me, still stuck through with it and gave me a chance.

Burning the midnight oil

I've been up all night - working on something for a uni association. I'm barely literate and barely capable of typing (I can but that backspace sound, I do a lot right now). I also have to mouth every word I say as I go.

I have work soon but not before doing some final touch up after it has been proofread. The retarded thing goes away once I get it done and dusted, the adrenaline usually keeps me going till tonight once again.

Despite all this, my mind has still be twirling away in the background as I worked. I've been a bad person. BBBBBBBAAAAHD -sheep noise- I don't know thought that way funny, it was funny in my mind anyway.

I've been thinking this because this reminds me of the time back in high school. When I was all quiet and got ignored, but heck, I was me. Not someone who always voices his thoughts but I was me. Now, I am still me and there ARE a lot of things I like about me NOW. But, I have also lost a bit of me that I liked.

This booklet that I'm making makes me proud again. When I use to stay up all night, sure I was still doing things at the last min like I still do now, but the difference being I liked the end result back then. That hasn't happened in a long time.

Mentally I'm making amend for being a retard, it turns out my self esteem wasn't that high after all. The weird thing is that, most people will probably see now difference and only overtime think of me in a somewhat positive light. However, right now, for me, it odd. This feeling that I have to say "sorry" for whatever it is I have done or said wrong (This links back to that whole thing about me not being entirely aware till at some point it actually turns around to bite me in the ass)

A side note, that remind me of that time my part- EX-partner, asked me if I wanted to move in. I say no. At the time it seemed logical. Funny where we might be if I had agreed. I did mention I screw up - A LOT?!

Back to my point, so yeah trying to do what I can. Firstly, taking more action myself to meet up with people. I'll have to see how it goes from there. Being the person I am, I know I'll want to apologise - though the person I'm apologising will prob have either forgotten or stop caring, by doing so, I would only be digging up bad memories - why bother right?

I also want go shopping for a book so I can read or maybe borrow one. Something, not so heavily in terms of weight though - I want to carry it around...

Happy Tree Friends

A friend the other day mentioned something I kind of already knew. But the whole notion of it is kind of sad.

Most people meet via circumstance and a relationship potentially forms from that. However, a lot of the times, it is circumstantial. Would you actively seek them out if they went away? Changed uni, jobs etc etc. People just drift! Sometimes closer and sometimes further away.

I don't think we can protect ourselves from this. It's kind of disturbing - thinking your best friend or the like may be gone tomorrow.

Another questions also arise. Can you have more than 1 person fulfilling the role of 'best' friend. I honestly don't know but that term, whoever the hell coined it, is so awkward in modern day contexts. It would be nice if it were true but in light of 'above' can we take that for granted? Can we have any faith in that?

PS I'm being pre-dumped.

A means to an End

Last week was bland and in many respects, it had plain sucked. Everything signifying nothing. [I had several entries lined up but it was the genius of blogger that perhaps it would be fun to recode these words into some illiterate script of 1 and 0 and other means of computer markup 'it' understood.]

Moments came and went but overall, it was a mutual understanding between life and myself that I would attempt, nay - bare the brute of it all, and cruise through as quickly as possible.

Like an MasterCard ad, I could count the moments - the good and the bad. I smiled politely but at the end of the day, the one I thing I was not comfortable with or in was my own skin - my life as a whole.

Am I just winning about the challenges of everyday life? Most likely.

Contemplative, a week on fast forward - Parentals. Uni. Work. Gym. Food. Tiffany & Co. Money. Housing. Him. Her. They.

Part-ey hard-ey [I think you need to add a wooho] Woohoo!

The website is a mess. A piles of burning rubble of what once was and could have been. Though this were only from the eyes of an Eurasian poorly trained in Chinese - my proficiency, low. Very low. Though one would think amongst its varied clientele the website would be accessible to Australians or an 'abc' (as I was to be known by the girl behind the front desk). I managed to book it anyway - in person - and though the staff weren't very proficient in the 'English' language, they smiled and we managed!

-

Walking down Lygon St, just before the rush hour of dinner can be a daunting experience! Shop owners rush to your side as each attempt to beguile you into their tiny Italian restaurant. Specials they list meticulously or perhaps a discount offered on food or drinks. You glance around, searching for affirmation in someone's eyes. Nothing... And you judge - not by the merit of the deals themselves but the interior design. Probably not the best choice but what else is one to do. It usually all works out mighty fine in the end though - its Lygon, exceptions aside one can't really go wrong.

Gifts; they were beyond sufficient. Her gift exceeding my expectations, it was obvious a clear train of thought had been place into them - and it was the thought itself that touched me. It was far-reaching, heart warming.

-

Karaoke wasn't something I did often - nor most people for that matter. But the night was an experience that burns memorably regardless how I look at it. Alcohol, food and some incredibly outdated songs - 'material' compared to the people the time was spent with. The atmosphere electric and despite the cosiness of the room itself, it was alive and well.