Inertia

An object at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force is applied onto it. 

That pretty much sums up my current situation in regards to getting myself back to the gym, ballet and life in general. I've been sick, granted for a while now and though it hasn't been the most comfortable of things - I've mainly sleep, eaten and laid about doing nothing. I was a fat lazy bum.  


I was more or less rested, ate when I felt hungry and sleep in copious amount of hours as my body requested.

Now, I have to get back to the gym, because I have somehow managed to gain 12kgs. I have lost a lot of strength at ballet and getting up at 6:30 in the morning has not been SO hard in a long time. I want to simply collapse and crawl under a rock and simply be small. Pointless, unobtrusive and infinity minute.

It the same as giving up! I know... but its always easier to give up.

I once recall someone telling me, anything worthwhile require hard work. Yes, I know but please don't preach to me about that. I know... I'm just b!tching here to vent.

Also, side note. My father and computers is FUCKED and annoying beyond all hell. My father as an individual is one fucing lazy irresponsible douche. The man never ceases to piss me off. Is all this uncalled for? You deal with the 'real' him, past his facade for the mere purpose of public image and then tell me again.

Genetics

Are we doomed to live out the life of our parents?!

For most of us, we don't ever want to be our parents. However, genetics they make up the core of our being. In childhood, they shaped our personalities, fears, and weird quirks. Even with my own minimal exposure to my parents I do understand that I've picked up certain less than desirable qualities from them. Ironically the bad from both sides...

I always end up arguing with them whenever we meet. I am so sick of this. Shouldn't they be a source of comfort and love... No.....

It's like a horrible nightmare! 

Summer days

So Summer is now here and it's been 3 weeks since I last updated.

The ballet production is now over and I am beyond relieved! It went alright (a word I've been accused of saying way too much and applying to an array of actual feelings). Overall, I was happy with it but I think I'm still in greater awe that's its over - that perhaps, somehow all of 'it' [refer to previous post) is worth it. I've been told its an emotional rollercoaster... I wish it wasn't though.

I think I'm more or less going back next year and perhaps that may stem purely out of my own lazy to make a change about it. Either changing school or the other hard decision as to "Why the hell am I doing this?" (Another friend told me that this mental block comes to everyone who dances full-time at some point or another). My teachers have claimed I've made a great deal of progress, which I am glad about. However, it's not the type of progress I am seen in my own body which greatly irritates me so.

I've also been told to stop being so negative for she claimed I have a pessimistic streak about me which could be potentially damaging in the further when I enter the 'professional world'. I find it ironic though this comes from a woman whom demands perfection; she claims we need to invest greater thought into what we do. In addition, it's same woman who claims we need to feel our body, outside of thought. A great dichotomy in my opinion. Whatever... I've taken the note up and discarded some of her discrepencies, I've come to understand she would say basically anything to try and prove a point... I like the way I think and approach my dancing - without it, I don't think I would have progressed to where I am today. It's not the same approach a typical artist such as herself might use but I still like it.

What else is new...

OH, I've become extremely pasty due to the lack of sun with ballet and all. And I'm actually really looking forward to this summer. I want to get an all over tan but have yet to figure out a discrete way of doing so. I've started to tan quite nice and lightly on the arms and shoulder due all the times I'm in a tank-top but I don't want a farmer tan.

Right, I've also been seeing a certain landscaper again. Only twice though and of course, no progress other than mere confusion on my part. They want to make the trip and drive up to Mildura or something and then onto Sydney to visit some friends... They made the offer while we were out drinking "You can come if you want". I kind of want to go with them. We'll see...

What else...

The man I call my father has also been going at me again for no reason. Since I finish ballet - which was... let's see last Saturday, he's been on another banter on how I'm aimless and without purpose in my life. Consistently and quite condescending asking me what it is I'm going to with it and whether or not I'm ever going to get gainful employment (somehow despite my hours). He did this right after I finish my uni exam... He's just been a massive pr!@k lately to say the least. My sister agrees. He goes through his cycles... such an angry person; suck the fun out of everything.

A means to an End

Last week was bland and in many respects, it had plain sucked. Everything signifying nothing. [I had several entries lined up but it was the genius of blogger that perhaps it would be fun to recode these words into some illiterate script of 1 and 0 and other means of computer markup 'it' understood.]

Moments came and went but overall, it was a mutual understanding between life and myself that I would attempt, nay - bare the brute of it all, and cruise through as quickly as possible.

Like an MasterCard ad, I could count the moments - the good and the bad. I smiled politely but at the end of the day, the one I thing I was not comfortable with or in was my own skin - my life as a whole.

Am I just winning about the challenges of everyday life? Most likely.

Contemplative, a week on fast forward - Parentals. Uni. Work. Gym. Food. Tiffany & Co. Money. Housing. Him. Her. They.