October 30, 2008

Fucking demoralized

1. Guys DO indeed possess the capacity to rationalize AND feel emotions.

2. Not ALL gays are sex obsessed maniacs/sluts.

This wouldn't have been the first time it's happened but today has been a new low. After a day, I was tired, my head ached, nose blocked, I was very much sick. I wanted to go Home. My train ran express - but there wasn't a connecting train to my station for quite sometime. Time to tram. I make a short detour along the way into a Borders. I pick up a magazine and begin flipping through the pages, just looking - not after anything in particular.

Now I'm sitting there minding my own business with my ipod clearly in both ears I might add AND here he comes and sits next to me. Not close but his within my periferral vision - which says a bit when your eyes are face down in a book. He does something for sometime, I didn't notice at the time but this guy was some old dude - mid 40s/50 even, white hair, half bold, overweight, thick glasses - dresses like a slob - essentially he IS a slob.

He clears his throat and says 'hi', I give him a half smile; being polite. I go back to reading. AND his staring at me! Just staring...

I knew what he wanted... sadly

I look at him again - again half smiling, I quite evidently "adjust" my earbuds and go back to reading. Was so NOT interest and just wanted to be fucking left alone!

He looks away and then back again. Ughh fuck! I try and ignore him and temporarily he leaves. Thank God I thought to myself and for a minute or two I was left alone in peace to just read.

BUT HE FUCKING CAME BACK! He rumages through his bag and then he turns slightly to me in an attempt to talk to me. I ignore him! I was SO FUCKING creeped out at this stage! I was uncomfortable and had kind of turn my back to him and he is still fucking starring, like WTF! My skin had literally began to crawl and I felt sick!

I felt demoralised and cheap, as if I was for rent!

The sleezebag was old and fucking ugly as all hell. Even, if he was YOUNG AND HOT [in which, I would have been momentarily flattered AND THEN FUCKING CREEPED OUT], I still would have ignored him! I was NOT fishing and I was NOT crusing! I JUST FELT SICK! I got up and walked away, almost left with the damnmagazine in my hand (I just left it at the beeper door thingy; just dropped it on the floor.)

I wasn't even on the best terms with my partner but I still called him, EVEN if he was at work. I was so disgusted! I felt dirty! It was beyond comprehension! FUCK!

I mean, WTF. What makes anyone think this that kind of behaviour is okay! The fuckwit essentially reduced me down to a rent boy!

A curious glance or two is fine, it's human nature. How else would you know if the person is interested. But when they clearly aren't then it's JUST FUCKED. BACK OFF!

2 comments:

stina said...
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stina said...
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